Breathing

Using your lungs as a sex organ

Right Under Your Nose

Breathing may seem like one of the bodily processes that just happens in the background during sex and arousal. But unlike, say, digestion, you can control your breath. With a little focused attention, breathing becomes a dial that can boost our sexual pleasure. And it's been there the whole time!

The Best Way to Breathe Is... All of the Ways

When you pay attention to your breath, you become less stressed and more aware of your body, its movements and the sensations that affect it. Guess what that heightened awareness can bring? Oh yes: greater pleasure and intimacy. You don't even have to breathe a special way. Just focusing on it seems to be the key (though having a special way can really help you stay focused on it!).

“I try to focus on my breathing during sex because it clears my head from anything else. (Did I pay that bill? Is my pubic hair tickling him? Did I remember to wear deodorant?)”

Changing Breathing To Change Pleasure

Once you're aware of your breathing, you can change it up during sex or masturbation. Shifting from one rhythm to a very different one can have major physical affects on pleasure. The chart below shows when people time breathing changes to get different pleasure effects.

“When I'm having sex and I feel like I’m kind of at a plateau to reach my orgasm, that's when I reset, tell my partner to slow down, and start deep breathing and playing with my clit at the same time. Then it feels like a fresh start toward coming.”

How and when people enhance pleasure with breathing:

44%
of women enhance their pleasure by adjusting their breathing
To controlorgasm timing To focus on the pleasure from touch To make orgasm more intense To feel more intense release and relaxation POST-ORGASM WARM-UP AND BUILD UP APPROACH ORGASM To control orgasm timing To focus on the pleasure from touch To make orgasm stronger To feel more intense release and relaxation POST-ORGASM WARM-UP AND BUILD UP APPROACH ORGASM To control orgasm timing To focus on the pleasure from touch To make orgasm stronger To feel more intense release and relaxation POST-ORGASM WARM-UP AND BUILD UP APPROACH ORGASM
Perspectives

“I love suddenly taking really deep breaths during sex. It’s kind of like a signal to my body saying ’hey, get it in gear, and eat some Wheaties, because stuff’s about to get heavy.' ”

Techniques

Holding Breath Before an Orgasmic Exhale

Over and over, women told us that a full, relaxing exhale during orgasm makes for a more satisfying release. It's as if all the built up air and tension before the orgasm was expanding a balloon of pleasure and a giant exhale makes the release longer and more pleasurable.

Samantha

“Sipping and Full Exhale”

Breathing Slowly (the Whole Time!)

People often have a natural tendency to breathe harder when aroused. Slowing down can be difficult, but worth it.

“Slow breathing helps me stop thinking and stop worrying about reaching orgasm in a way it relaxes me and makes the pleasure more calm and soothing.”

Amelia

“Bedtime melt”

Breath Edging

While some use breathing to get to orgasm faster, many use it to prevent orgasm. Why? Because approaching orgasm and pulling back over and over can build to a bigger orgasm. (See more approaches in Edging)

Julia

“Pushing off my orgasm”

“If I want to prolong my orgasm I take slow deep breaths when I start to feel the sensation of an orgasm coming on so that way I can feel every step of the pleasure process.”

Getting Breathless During Buildup

Stick with us on this…mimicking an out-of-breath state can get our bodies into a state of expecting—and then feeling— more pleasure. It’s a “fake it ‘til you make it” kinda situation.

“I make my mouth the shape of an “O” and inhale and exhale very short breaths to trick my body into thinking it’s exhausted and somehow that makes the feeling more intense.”

Jess

“My way of restricting”

Perspectives

“For me, when climax is approaching, my breathing wants to get shallower and that sometimes pushes the orgasm away. But when I think about taking calm, deep breaths, I can guide myself to orgasm.”

Breathing with a Partner

A Way to Be Even Closer

“When our sex is at its best, we both get carried away together, not separately. And one way we get that is keeping our breathing in the same rhythm.”

“Breathing together makes it feel more like we’re one body going through an experience together.”

Two Ways to Sync

Tandem Breathing

Inverse Breathing

Keeping it Together

Couples have discovered some really brilliant ways to use breathing for better intimacy and more pleasure:

Staying on The Same Page

“Our biggest issue was that my partner would ramp up into sex before I was ready. He said he didn’t intend to go faster than I wanted, he’d just get carried away. But when we breathe in synch, we can stay united in our pace without me having to remind him to slow down, which is so much better for me. The breath pace is a continous signal to him where I’m at.”

Come Back to Me, Love

“Whenever my partner or I forgets to breathe in synch, instead of saying ‘Hey bozo, remember to keep breathing with me,’ one of us says, ‘Come back to me, love.’ That really works for us.”

Synching For Its Own Sake

“We do this exercise where we sit in front of one another and just breathe together without even touching yet. We feel our sense of touch heighten and can feel the air against our skin. And slowly we start adding touch, first barely touching our lips, then barely touching faces, then putting our hands together. It builds up the sexual energy and sometimes it ends in stimulation, sometimes we just go to sleep and leave that heavy connected feeling in the air. But regardless, it's another world.”

While One Pleasures The Other

“When my partner is pleasuring me, I can lose focus and get anxious. But when they’re breathing with me, I feel more comfortable, like they’re doing something with me, not to me.”

“Paying attention to the way I breathe during sex has completely changed the way I experience pleasure. It is like my own little secret weapon that I can use at any time either on my own or with my partner”

Bringing it to the bedroom

Helpful guidelines

This Can Take a While
The ways breathing change pleasure aren’t immediate. Sometimes, these effects are so gradual and subtle that only after breathing a certain way for 50-100 breaths, do people even recognize the change.
Different Strokes
For many, deep breaths, shallow breaths, and holding the breath are each good at different times and different occasions. So if a particular technique doesn’t work one time, don’t write it off.
Lots of Patterns To Discover Out There
Some find their preferred techniques in yoga class, meditation practice, books about tantra, or even while reading about ways of breathing during childbirth.
Bonus add in: Clenching Muscles
Many have found that clenching muscles in time with breathing patterns enhances the arousing effects. For example, try holding the muscles tight as you hold a breath and releasing all that muscle tension as you release a breath. This seems to work best with large muscles like abs and legs, though some swear by syncing their breath as they tense their vaginal muscles (more in Flexing).

Most common challenges

Minds Wander
This is the big challenge: it can be really hard to keep your breath flowing a particular way when things get sexy and distracting. But people are smart out there, and have come up with some strategies. Visualizing at the Same Time Try imagining that each inhale is filling your lungs and body with a particular color. Or picture each inhale and exhale expanding and contracting a ball of white light deep in the pelvis. This visualization can help keep your focus. Counting 1 to 5 Over and Over Try counting “one” to yourself as you exhale. On the next exhale, count “two.” Work your way up to five and then start over at one. This gives your brain juuuust enough to stay on track: it’s hard to lose count when you’re only going up to five.
Oxygen is important
Holding your own breath for a short time is pretty safe. Obstructing breathing, whether with a partner’s hands or an object like a belt or plastic bag, is another story. In the heat of the moment, heightened pleasure can quickly give way to injury or even death. (Yes, death by sex. It’s nowhere near as fun as it sounds.) If you like holding your breath or restricting breathing, and you’re with a partner, make sure you have a pre-arranged way to signal your needs—basically, a visual version of a safe word.